I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
