I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
