they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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