There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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