were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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