Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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