You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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