All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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