my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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