Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
