the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
