there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize