I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Say something about gay babies.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
wow bdsm is so cute
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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