please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
