My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
