I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
