If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
