Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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