im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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