dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I hate all girls vehemently.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
