I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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