I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
