Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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