I got chris browned last night
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
