he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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