i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
