Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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