I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
