Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
