Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
