I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
