my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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