The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
