Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize