I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
