I accidentally burped into my bong.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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