I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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