And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
