It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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