Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
