i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
