stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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