Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
