I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
