Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
