Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
