I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
