Swine flu. Run for my life!
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
where are my eyebrows?
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