So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize