Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
