she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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