I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
