Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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