Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
