Jerry, you need to find god
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize