is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
