If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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