Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
