Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We got so high we made milksteak
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
