I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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