My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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