it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i already hear my dad disowning me
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
