just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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