So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he shaved USA in his pubs
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
