dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
