What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wish you could order shots online.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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