She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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