Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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