one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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