she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
