the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
